Haiti Cherie, pi bon peyi pase ou nanpwen

I'm sitting here in shock, as my cousin Techeler is sending me pictures. That's my house? That's my old block? There's nothing there anymore? I don't have family anymore? The house fell with them inside? Never again will I see the smiling face of my tonton Daniel and his niece?

I'm just numb. I haven't seen them in too long. I admit I've often omitted them from my prayers, but God this is too much. Petion-ville is in ruins, Port-au-Prince where my grandfather lives is in chaos. I haven't heard news from Jacmel. But I think the waiting is the worst part.
Tragedy, chaos. I can't breathe. Old friends, children, innocent souls?
My heart is broken

19

The question itself did not need to be asked directly, because Annaliese knew what she was asking. She had 25years to prepare for this moment. Yet all she could do at first was cry. Her daughter looked at her with such disdain. She looked so much like her father in that instant. It brought her back to a time when she was saying goodbye was the only way out
“If you walk out that door, don't even think of coming back.” There was a sink full of dirty bottles, a hamper of clothes that had yet to be washed, two bags of garbage that cluttered the closet, and a baby crying for attention in the background. The argument started out as it usually did. The Captain did not want to help with the baby, the responsibility of another life was placed solely on her.
“ How can you say that” she screamed, “ Samuel, all I want is a day to think, to breath, to be without a baby screaming in my head.
“ You can think here, you can breath here. Why do you insist on abandoning your child, your responsibility.” he retorted
“ My responsibility. She's our child, she's both of our responsibility. I've begged you to help me with her. How many times has she cried and I've pleaded with you to hold her.”
“So now it's my fault you're a terrible mother?” he interrupted.
“I never asked for this. I didn't want to be here, and I sure as hell never wanted her. I can't deal with this alone Samuel. I need help. She needs two parents, not one.” Of course she didn't want to stay away, she just wanted a day to think, alone, to decide what she was going to do. As she turned to the door,
“ If you leave don't ever consider coming back!” Samuel shouted. The soft click alerted everyone with her decision. With that Annaliese left and made the biggest mistake of her life.

“Anne” She began.
“My name” Bridget interrupted with venom dripping from her voice, “is Bridget. I had it legally changed.”
“Oh” came a soft reply. Annaliese didn't know what to think. Why had Anne changed her name? “Bridget” the name felt unfamiliar on her tongue,as unfamiliar as the woman who sat opposite from her. “ The night I left should've never happened. The Captain and I were fighting about something so simple and it escalated.” Annaliese wanted to tell her that the Captain practically pushed her out. Instead she asked “ has he ever mentioned me to you at all?”
“No” Bridget replied, “ He refused to say your name when I was younger, and pretended you didn't exist as I got older. We talked about you one time when I was 8 but that all I remember.” Selene didn't bother telling her about the fact that The Captain donated all of her clothes, and kept all her pictures in a locket chest in the attic.

18

It had been 25 years. A woman ran out to greet her, and Bridget found herself enveloped in the arms of the woman who abandoned her. The reunion was exactly as she had imagined it. Filled with tears, but no feeling from her end.
“Anne, Anne, I can't believe you're here.”
Tears muddled her eyes and words. After 25yrs, she had finally seen her daughter.
“Please come in, come in.”
Annaliese pulled Bridget's hand to follow her inside. Inside the house filled every expectation one would have about the house of a family. Tows were strewn everywhere. Skateboards and balls littered the stairway, the tables were filled with papers and pencil shavings, the refrigerator door was covered in colorful drawings. Seeing this brought a feeling of emptiness over Bridget. Bridget still had not found her voice. This was what she was waiting for, and yet.....
“Please excuse the mess. The boys are so messy, and I wasn't really expecting company today. So, I imagine you must be tired. ”
Bridget's mouth suddenly filled with cotton. So she had children of her own. The though brought a new sense of loneliness to Bridget. “ No not really. I had a lot of time to think on the drive here”
“You drove here” Annaliese exclaimed, “ but why?”
Not sure how to answer that question herself, Bridget shrugged her shoulders. They stared at each other. Cursing the years, and looking for resemblances, seeing the changes that time brought.
“The Captain was right, I have your eyes.” Bridget realized out loud.
Tears formed in Annaliese's eyes. “ How is the Captain doing?”
I don't know I haven't spoken to him in five years Bridget thought to herself, “He's good I guess” she replied instead.
“What have you been doing?”
“I'm an executive personal assistant, I live in Helena with my best friend Selene”
“So you're not married?” The fact that her daughter might be married with a family of her own brought a deep sense of loss to Annaliese. Her little girl was grown
“No-----But I see you have kids though ” Bridget didn't know what to think. They were technically her brothers and sister, but the reality of the situation was that they were complete strangers.
A sad smile entered Annaliese's eyes, “ yes, I have two boys and a girl. Cameron just turned fourteen, Jason is ten and Deidre just is 8. Jason and Deidre are at day camp and who knows where Cameron goes in the daytime” She went on about how such great kids they were, a mother's joy. Sure she wished Cameron was more forthcoming with information about how his day went, or what he and his friends were doing, but she was happier than she'd ever been. Annaliese knew she was rambling, but she couldn't make herself stop. “I know you must have questions ” she continued,
The hesitancy spurred an anger that Bridget did not know she was capable of. Questions? The hell she had questions. Her life was plagued with questions about the woman in front of her. “Do you want to know the reason why I came here?” The question was laced with sarcasm and disdain. Dread filled Annaliese's eyes. She dare not ask the question because she knew the answer would hurt. Before she could respond, Bridget answered for her, “ I came here to ask you one question, and that is why? Why them and not me”

17

Her bags were packed and waiting for her when Bridget got home. Was Selene kicking her out? No, She would never do that. Confused and slightly annoyed, Bridget called out for Selene. The apartment was empty and dark. Panic began to settle over her. Bridget began calling out Selene's name with no response. Bridget looked around looking for something out of place, and was rewarded with a folded paper. She picked up the paper and began to read
“ Dear Bridget,
By the time you read this letter, I'll be gone. My feet got itchy again
so I'll be in Belgrade for a couple of days. I have an old friend to visit.
I had a feeling you'd be needing those bags. I'll be back in four days.
Good luck.”

Anger boiled over when she finished reading the letter. Bridget needed Selene and she was busy being a gypsy. She looked at the apartment and a feeling of abandonment settled over her. Bridget grabbed her bags and ran out to her car. She started driving, and before she knew it, she was on the road to Denver.
It isn't always easy to admit mistakes, and even worse to accept consequences for those mistakes. Bridget still couldn't admit the hurt that existed because her mother chose not to make herself part of her daughter's life. Hours of driving only brought thousands of questions. Can I really do this? What am I expecting from this? What if I come away more hurt than I already am. 11 hours later with directions in hand, Bridget arrived.
It wasn't the exact picture she'd imagine for the past three years. The air was fresh and crisp, the lawns were perfectly trimmed, and manicured, and white picket fences were everywhere. Her destination was a glass house with wooden trimmings. The front lawn held toys and balls, the windows were filled with smudged hand and nose prints. Maybe this wasn't the best time to do this Bridget thought to herself. Before she could retreat back to the safety of her car, a voice called out her name.

16

“ Damnit! Really? This is fuckin ridiculous.” an irate voice shouted.
Bridget was busy beating herself up to notice the coffee burning her skin. It was the hand on her shoulder that brought sensation back to her. She spilled coffee all over herself.
“ I'm so sorry” he kept apologizing, “ I lost my balance there trying to step over that lady's crap. I'll pay for another cup and your dry cleaning.”
Bridget looked up at him. Why did he look so familiar. “ It's ok really. I was lost in thought.”
Patrick was more upset with himself that he showed. It had been a frustrating day, and it just got worst. He was expecting the woman to start yelling. Under the circumstances it would be well deserved. But she stared at him with such kindness.
“ Really it's ok. No need to pay for dry cleaning, I find it pretentious anyway. Although I would appreciate another cup.”
There was humor to be found in this situation “ done” Patrick answered.
“ I'm Patrick by the way. This is the result of the bad day I've been having."
“Well in that case, I'll buy your cup and you can buy mine.” Bridget offered. There was no need to make him continue his bad day. Three minutes later, Patrick returned with two steaming cups. She offered him a wet seat, and he accepted, neither had nowhere to be.
“Well you know my name, but I hardly know yours---”
“It's Bridget.”
“Well Bridget, thank you for being so understanding about this. It's been a hard day.”
They settled into an easy conversation, and Bridget was surprised at the fact that she wasn't afraid of him. He just moved to Montana, and was having a hard time finding a job. In fact he went to an interview today only to be told the position was already filled. Bridget wasn't sure why, but she knew there was something more to this situation.
“So what do you do?” Bridget wondered out loud
“ I'm a lawyer, fresh out of school actually. I specialized in environmental law. ”
“Ahh that explains it then” Bridget giggled. He looked so out of place. “ The only kind of law practiced in these parts of the state was corporate law. If you want environmental law, Bozeman would suit you.”
“Yeah I know, but Helena fits my personality better.” Patrick laughed. “ Much more to do. Besides people here are so nice. I mean genuinely friendly. ”
Three hours, four cups of coffee, and three muffins later after talking about everything under the sun. From what brought him here, to his days in law school, to her new tattoo, his tendencies to get lost going from A to B, to the fact that he hated living alone, both noticed the time.
“ I can't believe I lost track of time” Patrick exclaimed.
“I know” Bridget agreed, “ I should get going”
Patrick was hesitant to let this go. “ Here take my card” he pulled out. She looked at it wondering why he was giving it to her. Patrick read the confusion on her face and added “ in case you change your mind about the dry cleaning.” He was rewarded with a smile. Her beauty assaulted his senses. Her smile only added to it. Her eyes, her eyes; he obsessed. Why had he not noticed this before. Before he made a fool of himself, Patrick turned and left.

The absence of Patrick reminded Bridget of why she was here. How am I going to do this, she wondered. Bridget didn't know the woman. Annaliese Frank had been trying to get in contact with her years. It was only three years ago, a letter came in the mail from her mother. She told him she wanted to get to know her, that she was sorry. You know all the bullshit a person who abandoned her kid would say. She had been living in Denver for the past 10 years. Annaliese hired a PI to find her. Go see your mother, the words lept from paper and found refuge in her conscience. Bridget got up and headed home.